Widows with Joy sounds like an oxymoron. Losing your husband can be devastating. Things you use to do, you cannot do anymore. The things he use to do for you, you have to do for yourself or they will not get done. The vulnerability to things, people, places, and everything can be overwhelming.
But let’s go way back to the beginning of the marriage you had with him. Think about what it was that you brought to the table at the beginning of the relationship. What things did he find most attractive about you? What were you like before marriage? Were you single, in or out of college? Or just graduated high school? Were you financially independent? Were you sure of yourself and disciplined? Were you healthy, with a strong countenance and pretty? How excited were you about life? Think about how your hopes for the future seemed to override those butterflies about marriage and life.
Remember Your Value
Perhaps the very things, and the very attributes that you brought to the marriage are going to be important. You know, that box up in the attic of keepsakes? You held onto them because they all had value at one time. The same holds with these attributes.
If we can dust off that box and open it up, in it you will find parts of you that are exactly what is needed now. These great things about you were available for a designated period for which to be nurtured and enjoyed. God our Father placed those attributes in you as gifts with desirable and special qualities. No one can take them and God will not permit anyone else to take them. These will be the very gifts within you that will keep you going now that he’s been promoted. But God took him not you. So we must occupy (be productive) until Christ returns.
A Story: Missionary in South Africa.
Several years ago on a medical mission to South Africa, my roommate Joan, was a widow from the West Coast. She and her husband Robert had a full life together and losing him was devastating for her.
She began to pick up the fragments of her emotions to do her best to recover.
So here she was a missionary going with us to South Africa, but instead of returning home like we were after the mission, she had planned to leave from South Africa and go west to Nairobi in order to carry several large duffle bags of articles to the school that her group had started. She had all kinds of school supplies and things that children in that village would absolutely love, but would not be able to get on their own. She was very excited about the next part of her journey.
So I ask her, how did you get to this point in your life? She began to explain how devastating the loss of Robert had been. In constant sadness about her loss, she decided to storm heaven (prayed mightily) one day. She said she asked God the Father , “What is it that I need to accomplish for you that I could not do while Robert was here with me? “ No answer then, but she kept moving towards her interest in church school and all other activities relating to children. She ended up becoming the president of the national missionary society in her region in the educational division and got involved in starting schools within developing countries. She said that she is very happy, excited and very passionate about what she’s doing! She explained that she got the answer to her prayers with this new role because there was no way she could have been able to accomplish all of these things being married to Robert. She needed to be single in the Lord with JOY!
Meanwhile, with widowhood, there are some issues that should be acknowledged. These are the realities of change that people don't talk about. It is good to see these things and pray prayers of prevention to avoid sin or separation from God.
Issues people don’t talk about
Physical Closeness
All of a sudden, there is no longer that closeness and warmth that comforts and makes the world seem right. The oneness and comfort of the marriage bed is gone. We should avoid a replacement relationship. Many people begin searching for a replacement person pretty quickly. Doing this expeditiously, typically indicates ignoring or overriding God's will.
-Consider getting a full body pillow and flannel sheets for warmth.
-Have a cup of nice warm chamomile tea before bed.
-Do the "prayer of faith" thing about this. Remember that you can be honest with God about your feelings.
-Consider getting a pet who will be loving and loyal, and give you a living, caring, thing in your space.
Confusion about my what next
A feeling of being overwhelmed. Your loved one was a gift from God that made life and your day-to-day easier. They covered you and kept you. However, you are not a juvenile. You must come to your adult self and move on. Don’t be mad at God for this. Your "boo" was promoted to glory. You were selected to occupy and be fruitful in the earth realm. God trusts you with this! He knows that you can handle it.
-Know that even now, it is written, "God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, ( I Cor 14:33)"
-Seek the Lord for a clear view of your gifts and purpose.
-You must become an official wise woman, who by faith reaches for all the next steps in your life.
Look at these powerful words about wisdom from scripture:
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
(Proverb 14:1)
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. (James 1:5)
For the Lord giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.
(Proverbs 2:6)
For wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared to it. (Proverbs 8:11)
Wisdom is a powerful tool setup within the kingdom of God. Wisdom connects the intelligence of God to the believer upon request. See II Chronicles 1:7-12, which is a dialogue/prayer conversation King Solomon had with God the Father regarding wisdom. It is a gift from God that brings with it understanding, peace, strength, power, and many others
No Noise
The silence around the house can make you uneasy when you rarely ever had it. However, in a noise-polluted world, silence is a gift. It is an opportunity for healthy thoughts, silent prayers, and a chance to worship God. It is an opportunity to have a grateful heart. When you consider all that is going right in your life, it brings us into the realm of Thanksgiving.
-Choose your noise. Consider soothing music, audio messages or books (even scripture).
Social circle changes
The couples you guys used to hang with are no longer social options, but rather sad memories of when. Wives no longer see you as the “one” to be with. A threesome does not work, unless they are close relatives.
-Pray about new friends, circles, and prayer partners.
Eating alone
Eating is an emotional experience that went unnoticed until you begin eating alone. Loss of appetite and no desire to prepare a meal is common.
-Ask God to perfect your palate, giving you the appetite that leads to good stewardship. You must see preparing your meals and eating them as an act of worship, caring for your body temple. Eating out from time to time is fine. Remember that your food is your medicine. And whoever does your food has power over you.
-Avoid eating with the TV or social media. Mindless eating can lead to weight gain, and eating disorders.
Living in a museum
That environment that was customized to fit the lifestyle with hubby is left intact. Full of memories and as a result, constantly providing a low pitch vibration resonating the presence of life as it was.
-Make changes. Consider fresh paint, new furniture or rearranging everything.
-Build a new keepsake box to store framed pictures, and what nots. The perfect box for the attic.
Pressure from candidates for marriage.
Many people who are praying for a mate, may see you as the answered prayer. There can be a lot of warfare around this. Satan sees your potential for serving God. Emotions, lack, and loneliness make you more vulnerable.
-With God, you do not have to guess about who, or if you should re-marry. God has His will and work for you. No one should get in the way of that.
-God may want you for himself and may not want to share this part of your life with anyone.
Spiritual Warfare against the widow.
A person who is in bereavement is emotionally vulnerable and as a result, it impacts other dimensions of life. Satan sees this as an opportunity to bring you down, with depression, insomnia, and eating disorders. But instead, you must stay aware of the protection of being a kingdom daughter. Using the word of God to protect your thoughts, time, talent and treasure. Continue to be diligent, operating in the wisdom and understanding within the spiritual realm, with Jesus Christ being your strength. Remember that everything of value is coming from the spirit of Christ.
As a daughter in Christ, we must put our imagination and thoughts under the authority of the Holy Spirit. He is with you to help you imagine those things that are appropriate to imagine, instead of thoughts that make us feel under-valued, lonely, and deprived.
What Satan does not want you to see is that you and hubby have both been promoted! He was promoted to glory. You were promoted in the spirit realm with more power and kingdom position to complete that special work you were born to do. Believe me all of hell sees this, and as far as hell is concerned, you must be stopped!
You can use your holy imagination to see that things are very different in the physical realm, and that your spiritual existence as a daughter of God has always been with you. However, during this season of bereavement, wherever there is lack or exposure in the physical realm, the Holy Spirit is there just like a sealant, waiting to fill all those voids and gaps, from your emotions to your physical health, and lack with the power of God. God’s love is waiting with ministering angels, and all of His gifts to get you to JOY. Some of those gifts include wisdom, understanding, love, confidence, strength, hope, and wealth. He is ready to renew your mind and lock down your imagination.
In the spirit realm, you will have new air to breathe! You will have hope and a future as it is written in Jeremiah 29:11. This strength will begin to affect you physically. Now you can release the strongholds that are fixed to keep you in a forever state of bereavement, sorrow and pity, while missing your kingdom assignment.
In prayer, let the Lord know that you are expecting an easy yoke and light burdens, according to Matt 11:30. The host of heaven is there to expand and enrich your life. Every day, get spiritually dressed in your protective garment, according to Ephesians 6:10, and let’s go!
Know that bereavement is rough and almost unbearable. Your joy must be authentic and sourced from God himself. This joy is a gift and a fruit of the spirit of God. (Galatians 5:22).
The joy available to you, by faith, is unspeakable. "For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost." (Romans 14:7) It may be time to share your joy.
Prayer partnerships
As a nice first step, consider having a prayer partner (another sister in Christ). Ask God for a prayer partner who is mature in every dimension of the fullness of Christ, which will be exactly what you need. Next, you can start giving by asking God for another prayer partner, who is spiritually needy and struggling in her walk with Jesus and typically, younger in The Lord. We’ve all been there.
Initially, the first two sessions with your new prayer partner(s) will be icebreakers and could take 30-60 minutes. It might include short version testimonies, family structure and work-life. Then pray.
After the first two sessions, the goal is five to fifteen minutes each session. This time structure makes this event sustainable and fervent prayers, short or long, makes heaven happy and yields perfect answers.
I would say, you must mourn the loss of your husband. Bereavement is a necessary season. Wear black every day (if you must) as a way to express your grief and reverence for your loss, but also for the miracle that is about to take place in you, by faith. Let's continue to ask to see the good in this and get to JOY!
A Helpful scripture to pray:
"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore." (Psalms 16:11) Your new joy, will bring about a new change, and revive you.
Biblical References:
Fruit of the Spirit - Galatians 5:22
Hope and a future - Jeremiah 29:11
Fervent Prayer - James 5:16
Casting down imaginations - II Corinthians 10:5
Healthy Thoughts - Philippians 4:8
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